Recently during a game night with friends as we were talking I said something to the effect of “I have 5 kids so…”. He replied with, ” Is that your go to?” My go to? I think he was referring to my “defining attribute.” I quickly replied, “I guess so.” But I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
Wow! Should I be upset that my life is no longer mine? That I’ve given up almost all the things I used to enjoy doing? Does having 5 little people that say my name 50,000 times a day each and have to be touching or tapping my arm at least 50% of those times make me crazy? It’s like being in my very own drip torture situation. And I chose to do this to myself!
When people ask how many children I have, after hearing me answer eyes widen and they take a deep breath in shock.”You have 5 kids?” As if I have just condemned myself to a life of hell.
Is it hell? I guess it could be? BUT, I’ve somehow found a way to get through the times when my brain catches up with my busy mom life and reminds me that I lost “myself” 12 years ago when my first was born. I became a mom, my days revolved around this beautiful baby.My hobbies slowly disappeared. The things I accomplished on a daily, weekly or monthly basis no longer seemed worthy of, well, anything really. (Fist bump: We got four poopin’ in the potty! One to go!)
In the passed 12 years I have changed my hobbies so many times I probably shouldn’t even consider them hobbies. They really aren’t hobbies, something I do if I can find the time. I had a scrap booking stint that lasted maybe 6 months in 2006. But, honestly having a hobby doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me very often.
Truthfully I’ve lost myself, my hobbies, my “go to’s” so many times I can’t even count. The ONE word I would use to describe how I have not ended up depressed or unhappy is …ROOTED. I have found that I have gained deep roots in the knowledge that I am a daughter of God and he loves me no matter what my hobbies are or what you see on the surface. “for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” As long as I remain rooted in this knowledge my life can go whichever way it will and my heart remains full. Because as His daughter He has a plan for me.
Although having 5 kids has caused me to lose myself, I have also found more things that make me happy. I have only ADDED to myself and my life. I am not great at one or two things, but instead good at a ton of things and my favorites include… snuggling, playing cards, making children laugh, making little ones feel important, helping kids reach goals and feel accomplished.
I am also great at giving timeouts, the mom stare and chore lists. Which in turn makes me good at being ….a MOM. With five I may never be a “soccer mom” or a “football mom”… I may just be a “multiple sports/chaufeur mom”, but I am me! The mom of 5. These 5 define who I am. I don’t do things anymore because I am great at them or because I enjoy them. I do things now because I enjoy just being with them.
Long story short my defining attribute as a Daughter of God keeps me sane… And so what if I’m a mom of five, they make me …. MORE.